Stars in my eyes

I have this daily compulsion to read my horoscope.

Fair enough, it’s as tacky as reading You magazine. Fortunately I’m rather discerning. I screen the ones I don’t like. If Yahoo! or iVillage (God I’m ashamed to admit I’m an iVillage user) tell me anything less than ‘today, the sun is going to shine on your Leonine ass’, I feel obliged to hit Google until I find a half decent one. My loyalty to a single horoscope provider swings like James Bond in the 70’s. I risk the possibility of the negative forecasts leaking into my subconscious, influencing my mental state and thereby affecting my actions, resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy of some kind. Yet the rush I get when I eventually stumble across a goodie outweighs what’s at stake. I am crazy like that.

Today’s overall outlook is less than satisfying.

Yahoo!

Emotional matters could hit the fan today at a social event or group meeting of some kind. Those around you are apt to be feeling especially stressed out and volatile, dear Leo, so be prepared for anything. Try to stay out of passionate confrontations yourself, and don't try to spread oil on troubled waters. At times like this, such attempts only cause unwanted attention to be focused on you! Stay centered.

[i.e. hide in a cave for the day, don’t speak to anyone. Today you are a shit-stirrer by default. Your presence among friends and family will be as well received as that of Idi Amin jumping out of the Queen’s birthday cake armed with a machete].

Today’s iVillage one was more helpful:

Feelings are just that - feelings. They're a type of information and should neither be condemned nor elevated. Learn to sit with what comes up and you'll find a whole new arena of possibilities.

Clearly, I will go with the latter. In fact, it’s pretty timely advice. I realize I have been in need of some rational, left-brained, male perspective right now after the last few days’ veritable smorgasbord of emotions.

I find the Onion.com always offers practical advice for daily living.

While there's no doubt that plastic collar stays have their place in the fast-paced modern world, Jupiter ascendant in Leo means it's time to invest in a set crafted from old-fashioned brass.

In keeping with my selectivity, although I am partial to my daily bullshitting from Yahoo!/iVillage, I wouldn’t go so far as to visit fortune teller for a one on one. That would be taking it a bit far. I don’t think I could stomach having some money-grabbing ho telling me my future self is a barren spinster earning a living from crocheting doilies. Digestible daily chunks I can handle. But a life forecast – never.

I did once have my “colours read” by an absolute ripper at a cricket day in Cambridge. I felt like I was surrounded by the cast of Dead Poet’s Society, with English accents. A bunch of toffs organised the most tremendous cricket match with entertainment for the WAGs - jumping castles, coleslaw and Andy Pandy the Colour Reader. Andy and I connected immediately. He told me I was wasted as a telesales person and it was time to get the rock out of England.

Which I did.