tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29439974635435206552011-07-30T10:29:01.492-07:00Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.comBlogger521100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-87100974409279863652007-08-01T22:37:00.000-07:002007-08-01T22:38:52.341-07:00

For some, maternal stirrings are as foreign as a KFC Rounder backstage during fashion week in Milan. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel the tug pretty strong. Right now I’m feeling maternal towards some unborn turtles. In fact I have named the first three hatchees (hatchlings?) already: Leonardo, Raphael and lastly, Little Splinter, for good measure. I haven’t seen them yet, but I know they are going

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com50tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-16360115103070078602007-07-31T21:34:00.000-07:002007-07-31T23:11:17.554-07:00

Another year down. Looking back to 31 July 2006, would I change the way things have gone these twelve months for all the shisha in Arabia? Probably not.This time last year, my minxy friend Christina and I had a combined birthday ripsnorter at the sweatiest, smokiest, commercial-dance-and-R&B-playing basement club we could find in inner London. Why? Because we wanted to flick a hoof. Hard. I had

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-52914313606068914332007-07-24T21:30:00.000-07:002007-07-24T21:31:20.919-07:00

I don’t know what it is lately about blonde, spanner, rugby players. Not my usual type, by any means. My thing for Schalk worries me slightly, especially when people make ork comparisons. But I put this little crush of mine down to that whole hands-on, fearless, being-his-own-man vibe he has going on. But last night I had a dream that I was smooching Francois Pienaar. The Lays guy.Shit.I am gob

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-81516451240496256402007-07-23T21:32:00.001-07:002007-07-23T21:32:57.960-07:00

While it buckets down in London, the Goons keep themselves amused by lighting bits of toilet paper sticking out of their bums. While it looks as though 500,000 English people in the Cotswolds region may soon be deprived of electricity and are stockpiling tins of baked beans and long-life milk in anticipation of the next wave of floods, there the Goons are … singeing their butt-hairs and taking

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-34786997151393442692007-07-17T21:40:00.000-07:002007-07-17T21:42:32.514-07:00

I have just been informed that UK Inland Revenue wants my ass. I got an SMS from my housemate in London who says they are charging me GBP 100 for not completing my tax returns. For crying in a bowl of cornflakes! Perhaps I asked for it … but I am just so naive when it comes to matters of a financial, or even numerical nature. I want to tell them to make like a polisiekar and VOKAF. It is simply

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-48881348643283047072007-07-15T21:51:00.000-07:002007-07-15T21:52:52.430-07:00

Thursday night kicked off with a rather extravagant dinner and several whiskeys with the folks at Mina a’Salaam hotel overlooking the Burj al Arab. Colonial-style. In the nick of time I managed to identify the camel’s milk crème brulée and give it a sufficient wide berth. On the way home we had a spur-of-the-moment tour of the Palm Jumeirah, the man-made island in the shape of a palm tree,

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-72775310590106306712007-07-11T22:48:00.000-07:002007-07-11T22:50:27.167-07:00

Heddles Junior has had his earmuffs pruned. Still looking a bit like John Lennon when he got out of bed after a week, but his general appearance is more to my Dad’s liking. It’s THURSDAY. Out of high spirits and to welcome the weekend in (Woza, you good thing you), it is as opportune a moment as ever to give thanks for life in general, which has been on the upswing at least for the past 6 weeks.

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-4246498847667307652007-07-09T22:46:00.000-07:002007-07-09T22:47:16.129-07:00

I’m ashamed of myself. While I was bandying about shopping malls and bonding with the lounge suite this weekend, my two managers were behaving like new arrivals to Spring Break in Cancun. One was bounced from Bar Zar on Friday night for being on her ear. She’s ten years older than me. The other one went ballistic in Ibiza for the weekend. He is close to my dad’s age. And is clearly on a come-down

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-33191566084920335972007-07-07T21:36:00.000-07:002007-07-07T21:38:08.856-07:00

I had to delete some texts in a raging fit of jealousy as I woke up this morning to some beauts in my inbox. Exhibit A: “Oh fuuuck. Madonna is INCREDIBLE! Possibly THE MOST AMAZING concert I have ever been to. WISH YOU WERE HERE. You would LOVE this!!!”. STRAIGHT to the recycle bin. Exhibits B through to E: Further Live-Earth-concert-related, expletive-riddled reports from Wembley Stadium. Delete

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-29023070981313348552007-07-06T01:07:00.000-07:002007-07-06T01:15:40.761-07:00

I’ve developed a weird infatuation with a food reviewer. Call me cooked. James Brennan in the Dubai TimeOut magazine absolutely tickles me. Who would’ve thought it was possible to turn a review on INSTANT PORRIDGE into pure quality entertainment. Instant Oatmeal – French Toast flavour – QuakerDhs 21.25Rating: 1 starFrench toast? Now this is a touch ambitious. It’s also a bit bonkers. The very

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-17885907200888404212007-07-04T22:40:00.000-07:002007-07-04T22:41:16.056-07:00

It is extremely humid in Dubai (today and yesterday) - its condensationsville. The air is so thick it is like walking into a wall of hot seawater. Actual temperatures this week are deceptively Durban-like at around 35 to 39 degrees, but the humidity is a joke.On Tuesday this week there was a lot of expat eyeball rolling when construction workers from Dubai Marina attempted a strike. They tried to

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-14987398333979295962007-07-04T00:11:00.000-07:002007-07-04T00:13:52.118-07:00

Being a team player in the web department of a large corporate body requires one to simply suck up and do certain distasteful things. Such as writing the error messages that will appear on user’s screens when their online booking payment fails. It’s the stuff we all love to read. The words are so compelling I think they should replace the text on those little white sweets that say “Be mine” or “

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-25240489488551415322007-07-02T22:52:00.000-07:002007-07-02T22:54:22.896-07:00

Jeanpant and I flock for canteen soup every day to have with our crudités. Yesterday she made a keen observation: “This is all congealed like snot”. I dropped my spoon. There’s a thing or two you should know about JP. She works those kitchen staff. It took her a while but now one can safely call her the Canteen Dominatrix. Normally the inflexible serving staff don’t alter their industrial

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-26176067667366820022007-07-02T00:16:00.000-07:002007-07-02T00:17:04.134-07:00

The weekend was far from Zen-like. It kicked off with a gargantuan display of first-year student-like behaviour involving: Blue punch (like being ankle-tapped by a Smurf)Michael Jackson “Heee-HEEH”Running around barefoot on wet tiled floors. Result: swart gevaar soles. Fireman-lifts around the kitchen, up the stairs, ad hoc on the dancefloorBum-dancing6 SpringboksPeggy in the pool, fully

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-60801559953641319172007-06-27T22:57:00.000-07:002007-06-27T23:00:40.975-07:00

Being a long way away from one’s friends makes one vulnerable to attracting bizarre and absurd nicknames. A) Living in the desert and B) working for an airline (albeit in the communications department), you could say I’m asking for it. At another level, I have in many ways (to draw upon a phrase exhausted by my media theory lecturer) become ‘exoticised’. My ex-housemate now calls me Sand-Pimperoo

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-25166258980130870062007-06-26T23:03:00.000-07:002007-06-26T23:04:22.014-07:00

I love the drive to work. Generally I crank up my aircon, followed by my radio. And I sing at the top of my lungs and in between I swear a lot, at bus-drivers overtaking in the wrong lane. On Sunday and Monday’s trips in this week, my eyes were still half-closed, (see previous Insomnia posts), but today I am fresh from last night’s nine-hour vrek. At 06:25 am this morning I hit Sheikh Zayed Road

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-62852228451782538402007-06-25T22:44:00.000-07:002007-06-25T22:50:01.741-07:00

Hold the phone. A Gallup poll in 2006 found that only 49 percent of Americans believed U.S. Muslims are loyal to the United States and 44 percent believed that the entire religion of Islam itself is inherently extreme. [P.W. Singer: Salon.com article War of Ideas, 26/06/07]Shocked? Not really. Try this:Likewise, in the 2006 poll, 39 percent advocated that all Muslims in the United States be

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-84217506535755356832007-06-24T22:44:00.000-07:002007-06-24T22:45:52.358-07:00

I’m less awake than a sea cucumber slumbering on the barrier reef. Insomnia Part II got me. There is absolutely nothing worse than desperately needing to drop a Z and not being able to. Last night’s mind interference was akin to having Motley Crue jamming (unplugged) in my room. Struck up a reading session at midnight. After an hour or so of this I generally begin to feel like Silvia Plath.

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-72437239969226524142007-06-24T00:47:00.000-07:002007-06-24T00:51:10.444-07:00

Cripes. Feeling like I’ve been hit by a Bundey’s Ball of Fun tour bus. We’ve shown Miss Reginald Dwight and Miss O a fair bit of Dubai this weekend, but due to the stinking weather it was more an immersion into the lifestyle experience than a jam-packed sightseeing extravaganza. It’s been marvelous. One more of these tours and I will dethrone Robin Leech as the best host in television history.

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-34389669667887894372007-06-21T00:46:00.000-07:002007-06-21T00:48:18.218-07:00

For unknown reasons, certain words hold immense appeal for me. Mention one of them, and it is all I can do to prevent myself from cracking apart at the sides with pure mirth. Sometimes it is not even necessary for someone to even physically utter the words to induce hysteria. There are days when I will be brushing my teeth/applying mascara/pulling up to a four-way stop, and out of NOWHERE a

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-17514104494041922692007-06-19T23:50:00.000-07:002007-06-19T23:52:56.471-07:00

Bless my mother’s dear little cotton secret sockies. In the midst of my sorting out visit visas (AGAIN) pandemonium, answering inane Polish queries, taking mind-numbing inventories of lists and lists of word documents, and keeping my social email banter up at a respectable tempo, I received the most delightful interruption:Email Scrabble from my mother, sent to all our relatives.>> CHANGE ONE

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-12531479249212197302007-06-18T22:44:00.000-07:002007-06-18T22:57:33.523-07:00

My friend (my special friend) is getting hitched. The Goose and I have known each other since we were size 0’s with grasshopper legs, sliding down muddy banks in cardboard boxes. We were both accompanying our Heroes (hers, her big brother, and mine, my two big cousins). At first I eyeballed her with suspicion. She wore a floral skirt. On a fishing excursion. I was muddier than she was and wearing

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-59744825187282838782007-06-17T23:11:00.000-07:002007-06-17T23:13:07.069-07:00

Peggy and I are insanely good entertainers. Besides our enormous capacity for partying, we are in touch with what the people want when they come visiting the Middle East. We gave the Racoon and the Boxman the tour of their bleeding lives earlier in the year. They arrived from Mud Island pasty and wide-eyed (Bless them, we said). They left tanned, kitted out in designer gear and henna tattoos -

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-31755239858275206812007-06-17T01:25:00.000-07:002007-06-17T01:27:20.549-07:00

I’m in love with Schalk Burger. He is THE hottest spanner. AND Man of the Match. None of my mates get it. Hell - neither do I. Love is crazy like that though. Wearing it today like my Grade 2 school blazer. Most of us are taking serious strain after a barely legal triple header. I’ve lost my brain. I think it may have been trampled on (on the dance floor at Bar Zar) and is now stuck like a piece

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-51185808939281760742007-06-13T22:38:00.000-07:002007-06-13T22:41:03.464-07:00

It’s Thursday and I am flaming thrilled. My head would probably be hurting less now if I was banging it against a wall. My pet woodpecker is hammering away at my left temple and I would pay someone a lot of Dirhams to end its life. Last night the Expats found the most smashing Italian restaurant in the heart of Deira (central Dubai). We knocked back one or two breadsticks, followed by 6 bottles

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-36238108945626156942007-06-12T22:34:00.000-07:002007-06-12T22:53:34.861-07:00

Yesterday I bumped into my A-rab Sugardaddy while leaving work. Special K was standing there in his finest army general’s kit, smoking with his dish-dash wearing friend. SK: Come here [grabs my hand]. Tell me, what do you have a mobile phone for?Me: [Blushing. Last time he called me was at 10pm on a Thursday night. I didn’t answer.] SK: I theenk you have a phone to receive the phonecall. And to

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-44593783904380671212007-06-12T00:17:00.000-07:002007-06-12T00:18:42.008-07:00

Today I’ve been talking like one of the Wayans brothers. Man I love that shit. That shit’s whack. W.H.A.C.K. brother.It was brought to my attention that I dig this shit so much, that few would be surprised to learn that my ancestors were chilling on the beach waving at the ships when Jan van Riebeck arrived. Personally, I would not be shocked to discover I was part hottentot. Not in the least.

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-48156462718108563992007-06-10T23:24:00.000-07:002007-06-10T23:25:16.467-07:00

My friend Queen Latifah likes 'em young. Sexy, strapping, and obedient. But what self-respecting woman doesn't? There is something to be said for the respect and yes, adoration, a lightie will bestow upon a more mature woman. To schnack on a boy-child, four years your junior, barely out of University, wide-eyed, untamed: there is something so wrong, (yet so right) about it all.The pluses are

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-54100375773108327322007-06-06T22:48:00.000-07:002007-06-06T22:50:32.080-07:00

I have this daily compulsion to read my horoscope. Fair enough, it’s as tacky as reading You magazine. Fortunately I’m rather discerning. I screen the ones I don’t like. If Yahoo! or iVillage (God I’m ashamed to admit I’m an iVillage user) tell me anything less than ‘today, the sun is going to shine on your Leonine ass’, I feel obliged to hit Google until I find a half decent one. My loyalty to a

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-18622709003358047102007-06-05T00:23:00.000-07:002007-06-05T00:25:32.274-07:00

My dear mother and I have this inside joke. She calls me Cabin Crew (drawing on my platonic liasons with my A-rab Sugardaddy), and I affectionately call her the Q-Tip (referring to the pale guy in Me, Myself and Irene. My mother is not pale, nor does she have milky-white hair or pinkish skin. The name just cracks me up). From time to time I am required to provide technical support to the Q-Tip as

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-14431308394342454152007-06-04T23:32:00.000-07:002007-06-04T23:34:16.337-07:00

The word ‘Dubai’ should come with the tagline: Sand, sand everywhere.As Dubai residents we live in an urban development, a burgeoning concrete jungle. Yet like most desert locations, it is not without its sand. Every day I park in it. I must jostle with another 2,999 irritable, teeth-gnashing staff members for a spot in a litter-strewn, street cat-infested powder-pit. I normally pull in around 06

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-90315699883412553902007-06-04T02:28:00.000-07:002007-06-04T02:29:18.592-07:00

There are days when I long to be locked in a darkened cell wearing a pair of orange overalls, Hilton-style. Devoid of human contact. Minus a driver’s license. I am living through one of them today in fact.I think my occasional antisocial leanings stem from my days as a telesales person in London. 1) I was conned into it. 2) I hated it. It made me more uncomfortable than Dubya Bush attending a

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-71407726351848855052007-05-31T00:25:00.000-07:002007-05-31T00:29:09.882-07:00

Last night I accompanied Peggy Bundy, who has been squatting at my folks’ place the last few months, on a digs recce. A mate of hers’ former manager has a room available in his flat. Three minutes from Jumeirah beach, infinitely accessible, en-suite thunderbucket. Invariably these occasions either feel like a) job interviews or b) blind dates. Stressful. Peggy needed a wingbitch. I was her Added

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-67072479837943394492007-05-30T02:13:00.000-07:002007-05-30T02:15:05.622-07:00

Two fundamental questions pertaining to my current existence in the UAE and the global dispersal of my friends have been hounding me. Like carnivorous seagulls. Swooping. Pecking. Shitting everywhere. I decided to sounding-board it with one of my trusty sounding boards, King K. 1st Burning QuestionMe: Don't you wish you could FFWD a year or two just to check that everything is going to be OK? I

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-86518819905222357972007-05-29T22:22:00.000-07:002008-12-09T15:24:27.778-08:00

Last night’s Culcha-Club was a rip-roaring, raging success. We all emerged more enlightened free-thinkers after sampling the delights of ‘Pussy cat got wet!!’ (stir fried chicken), ‘Thai Me Any Way You Want’ (prawn salad) and ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’ (deep-fried Morning Glory … yum). I will let King K fill in the blanks as he so eloquently did in this morning’s post. In Kotters’s words, it

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-50635358909382150542007-05-28T22:35:00.000-07:002007-05-28T22:36:37.628-07:00

In general, I love Oirland, and all Oirish by-products.River Dance – go on, ‘twas grand in its day. That Michael Flately could flick a hoof with the best of them.Give me an Irish coffee and I’ll smash the thing. Circle of Friends: once a favourite of mine. Chris O’Donnell with the whole accent going on was off the perv charts back when we were in high school. At sleepovers we’d work ourselves

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-61415178924801473252007-05-27T23:28:00.000-07:002007-05-28T00:23:26.419-07:00

Dedicated to the Goons I love and miss. Goonhood isn’t a brand. It’s a lifestyle. Some say it’s something you’re born with. To them I say, ‘INCORRECT’. It takes a special kind of man to fully embrace the way of the Goon. Before you can even think about aspiring to become one, you need to be accepted into the clan. Given the size of Mud Island, the number of chavs and the delicate socio-economic

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-40184682905642804422007-05-26T22:07:00.000-07:002007-05-26T22:09:59.648-07:00

Spent a large portion of last night wrestling with a few bongezi’s. No, not literally. Another disgustingly enormous weekend, double-pronged attack of epic, varsity-like proportions, predictably trails off into a cesspit of psychological restlessness. Some call it Sunday Night Demons - except in Dubai, Saturday is Sunday so you don’t have the soothing voice of David Attenborough to make it all

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-27935113642793671102007-05-23T21:57:00.000-07:002007-05-23T21:58:43.813-07:00

TGIT. It’s the Weeeeeekend, BABY. It’s times like this that the UAE is ahead of the rest of the world (by a whole day). Tonight’s Sleaze Party (or ‘Night of Sleeze’ as Korn so endearingly put it in his appropriately tasteless PowerPoint invite) will be a messy one. What it essentially involves is everyone dressing like slags and getting absolutely trousered around his bar. Too early to say

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-38983269988161860302007-05-22T22:25:00.000-07:002007-05-22T22:28:40.841-07:00

Yesterday things weren’t looking so hot for mine and David’s future relationship. The 3-year warrantee is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Yip, looking back on those crucial pre-purchase visits where I enquired about the full service history of the vehicle, I now distinctively recall the salesman (let’s call him Shabir Shaik for their shared truth-manufacturing abilities) doing the

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-39092154464489902382007-05-22T01:51:00.000-07:002007-05-22T01:52:48.711-07:00

There’s this knock you’re supposed to take on the chin after your first 6 months in Dubai. Expats here talk about it. It’s called Kulcha Shock.The whole thing is well documented in leading expat literature (of the variety that is humbly minus-the-pith-helmet). Jeremy Williams wrote this handy manual, Don’t They Know It’s Friday: Cross-Cultural Considerations for Business and Life in the Gulf,

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-86870270020491019422007-05-21T04:17:00.000-07:002007-05-21T04:22:03.924-07:00

Just took 90 min out of my day to take David to the doctor. It is well known that Admin has always been a preferred pastime of mine (it’s listed as a hobby on my Facebook profile). But car issues in particular have got to rank up there among my top three favourite types. 1. Red Tape / Relocation Admin (sorting out visas / cancelling Barclays accounts via Royal Mail because that is how it’s been

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-25868877556592726472007-05-20T04:23:00.000-07:002007-05-20T04:26:13.976-07:00

Was it Plato or Socrates who enlightened the world by saying that when it comes to relationships, you’re either the bug or the windscreen? Anyway, the source of that little nugget of wisdom is irrelevant. For all anyone cares, it may have been a Chappies wrapper. The essence of the principle lies in the knowledge that the last thing that goes through the bug’s mind as it hits the glass, is its

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-32345168921396864082007-05-16T23:12:00.000-07:002007-05-16T23:14:18.810-07:00

I have landed myself a platonic A-rab sugar daddy. Bear with me through the details. To cut a long, tedious story short, 2 months back I found myself having to do what I hate most in life – Admin – albeit for one of my best mates, Peggy Bundy. The deal with Green Mambas (SA passports - useful only for jamming under a table leg to stop it wobbling) is that visitors to Dubai require the sponsorship

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-64222282735404064262007-05-15T23:43:00.000-07:002007-05-15T23:45:11.012-07:00

Last month my employers decreed that I had to work in close quarters with two Poles. From Poland. Put simply, they HONE. Not only do they HONE, but they boggy me (to boggy – verb: act like a bogfly, hovering close by, clinging like a dingleberry to a grizzly-bear’s arse) to within an inch of my tolerance for the stench. Unprepared for the Dubai climate, and certainly not friends of the Laundromat

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-13367019423430562232007-05-14T09:50:00.000-07:002007-05-14T10:04:43.273-07:00

So I have blinged up this blog and it is screaming SO 2007 in the Middle East right now. What next? I may even fling some links into this formerly desolate right-hand margin. Yes, you like a bit of that ... Firstly, H in Dubizzle. King K. Just for shits and giggles. It's like the old saying: If you can read about the embarrassing bum-dance move you pulled in a club full of sweating Lebanese

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-87698568593414955602007-05-12T23:48:00.000-07:002007-05-12T23:50:16.342-07:00

After becoming the modest recipient of the Dubai Lonely Planet Tour Guide - May 2007, all hostessed-out, throat sore from days of shisha-abuse, suburnt from trips up Dubai creek and the spice souk, what do you do to cool the jets? Recovery itineraryFirstly, DENY invites to Jebel Ali cheap booze club, and watch The Departed (“Enjoy your clams, caak-suckers”) instead. To round off the evening on a

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-35082067041121959232007-05-10T00:14:00.000-07:002007-05-10T00:22:37.417-07:00

I’ve named my car after Madonna’s Malawian adoptee. My sporty, sexy little black number is called David Banda. At around the same time that Mr and Mrs Richie got their mitts on their latest African novelty, I adjusted my aircon to full-throttle and ironically, with ‘Hung Up’ as my soundtrack, glided onto Sheikh Zayed highway for the first time. There is a disturbing undercurrent to the flippant

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-38274536244925111812007-05-09T21:44:00.000-07:002007-05-09T21:47:15.699-07:00

From my warped grey vantage point in the land of perpetual drizzle and obnoxious pubescent gang members, Dubai shone like a beacon of bling and opportunity.I had realized that the cloud hovering over Mud Island (the semi-affectionate term used by South Africans living and working in the UK) was not purely a meteorological phenomenon. It had in fact begun to envelop my brain. Mediocrity had grown

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-27673733062089749742007-04-20T06:35:00.000-07:002007-04-20T06:38:28.487-07:00

Few words combine with an effect as venomous and stinging as the 'Keep Well' text message (KWT). Known to leave recipients reeling in stunned disbelief, followed by hours, if not days of mourning, the KWT can castrate a man. 'Keep' and 'well' are bland enough words on their own. It is the combination that is deadly. 'Get Well', for example, is acceptable. Sure, we're happy with that, obviously

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-67108732937792126172007-02-07T21:59:00.000-08:002007-02-05T14:22:06.926-08:00

Frostbite. You travel to the Middle East, hoping to avoid the misery that is waiting for the 270 in a bus 'shelter' that would at best shelter a pack of Arctic wolves accustomed to frozen seal meals. The truth is, there is a Dubai equivalent. It is called Mall Aircon. These guys are not afraid to turn it all down way into the minuses just as atmospheric temps begin to creep up to the 30's as we

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2943997463543520655.post-3257447462906816062007-02-05T08:55:00.000-08:002007-02-05T09:55:04.128-08:00

I've only been here five weeks in the dunes, and I am already SO over celeb jols. Ahlan! (Dubai's very own Heat magazine) - start sweating BOET - my spottings have been diverse across the sporting, cultural and historically influential spheres - ALL of which have been freeviews (ie. no tickets purchased). In no particular order:Mylo (dropping tha pressshhhhaaaa)The Big Easy (finished at 17 under

Heddleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05099005742759598791noreply@blogger.com1